That time I ate 3 Klondike bars right before going to bed.

I feel like I should preface today's post. Primarily as a stall tactic to get to the inevitable explanation that yes, I really did eat 3 Klondike bars right before bed a couple of weeks ago. However, the preface should also include the explanation that I am using this entire post as a stall tactic for another post that I am going to write eventually. By talking about my skill of consuming copious amounts of calories in a short period of time, the next post that I write - the one that has the potential to make me appear vulnerable and less together than I typically like to appear to the outside world - won't seem quite as intimidating. So all of that to say, this is kind of like stepping into the shallow end of the pool as opposed to the cannonball method of entry right into the deep end. Warning: If you make it to the end of this post, you should treat yourself to a Klondike bar. It just so happens that I really do believe that there is something good in all bad situations. For example: last summer when my little world fell apart, I dropped weight like I was a high school wrestler the week before the state meet. Except I didn't wear trash bags and go running in poorly ventilated rooms. Suddenly in July I was two sizes smaller than I was in May. So now, nearly a year later while he who shall rename nameless has managed to maintain a double chin, I have managed to maintain my new and improved body that looks much better at 32 than it did at 22. [Yes, even the small, shallow wins should be celebrated on the road to total victory.] But. And this is where the but has potential to get really big...I've got to be careful if I plan to stay in those size 2's for a couple of seasons. The trauma and drama has passed. My appetite has long since returned. I'm finished with grad school which was another stressor and instant calorie burner. This means that I can't eat whatever I want to whenever I want to without zero regard to what it's going to do to my body. Pause: I realize that there's so much more to being healthy than pant size and the way one looks. Back in the summer though I literally had to force myself to eat so any calories were good calories. Now though that I am back to three meals a day and snacks in between, there's not really room for THREE KLONDIKE BARS right before bed. What in the world ever possessed me to eat 3 right in a row in the first place anyway? Because they were so good, that's why. And they were a treat. Darn Publix and those BOGO specials. Look at me making excuses..."I don't typically have those in my house."..."I'm just celebrating the fact that I have an appetite."..."If Publix didn't have those specials, I would have never bought them in the first place." Sure, in the overall grand scheme of things, eating that much ice cream in one sitting isn't that big of a deal. But what would you think if I told you that the night before, I ate TWO Klondike bars right before bedtime? Because I did. Anybody see a pattern forming? Am I the only person out there that takes on the mentality of "well, I've already eaten one which means my eating is shot for the day, so I might as well eat another."? Or what about, "I know that I said that I was going to put up those dishes after this episode of The Closer goes off, but there's a marathon on TV and this next episode is really good too."? Or the classic battle that I fight each morning of "I can snooze for 9 more minutes and still make it in time." [I never make it in time.] Those examples are all pretty trivial but what about when a drink leads to another drink which leads to another drink? Or when one swipe of the credit card at this store leads to another swipe of the credit card at that store because you can't have a new dress without the new shoes to go with it? Or when you were just going to smoke those last two packs in your last carton of cigarettes and be done with them forever...three cartons ago? Or when an innocent lunch with a coworker leads to an intentional dinner date. We are creatures of habit. And why is it that the good habits are so easy to let go of and the bad habits are so hard to break? Oh? That's just me? Well, then you all go on about your business of enjoying a Klondike bar. You've earned it. Oh...because sometimes we do earn the right to loosen up a bit don't we? Or least that's what we tell ourselves. Or at least we are much quicker to hear and act on that when maybe others tell us so. Anyone else have dolphin hearing when the opportunity to loosen up and reward ourselves presents itself, but it's like the batteries are dead in Grandpa's Whisper 2000 when someone calls us out on a behavior? Again, my apologies if I'm just talking to myself here. While I'm on the subject of habits, I'm much better at planning to break them than actually breaking them. The time to decide not to hit the snooze button again is not at 6:22 a.m. The time to decide to stop eating Klondike bars like they are rice cakes is when you walk past the ice cream aisle at the grocery store...not when they are in your freezer beckoning you like a lighthouse beckons a ship lost at sea in the storm when you reach into the freezer to get the broccoli that's in there. If I've learned anything in my 30's, it's that I cannot do this life alone. No matter how hard I try or how much I love to give the impression that I've got it all together, the reason why I'm together as I am, is because of the people in my life. It's much simpler, I've learned. This doesn't mean I've given up my independence. It just means that I don't have to be Wonder Woman all the time. Sure, no one knows our own individual struggles better than we do. On the other hand, no one is better at justifying them than we are. Of course we don't want to share our struggles with the people who love and respect us, because well, they might not love and respect us anymore if they find out. But here's the deal: those are the people that are going to love us through those things. So we've got to let them. Why? Not because I said so. But because there's a book that says it: "See to it, brothers, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." -Hebrews 3:12-13. When I read this passage for my Bible Study and specifically the phrase "sinful unbelieving heart" the other day, I was taken aback. The reason why was because that was pretty much the phrase used in an explanation of one's actions and behaviors towards me one time. I think it's easy for us all to get a little hard-hearted at times. I know I have. But I'm grateful that God's grace is stronger and will break even the hardest of hearts. He's not going to use his grace with force though. Don't worry.