Let's be honest - I'm not really back by popular demand, but my dear pal Angel suggested via a Facebook post the other day that I update the old blog. So I thought "might as well" and here I am. One of the things I've always loved about Angel is her way of making suggestions through encouragement. Kind of like that time during our sophomore year of college when she threatened to lock my make up in her dorm room if I didn't get up and get ready for class. That tactic didn't really carry much weight though because 82% of the time that I actually went to that class, I went in my jammies. And why would I want to waste perfectly good Cover Girl foundation on a stunning flannel plaid get up? [We now know that the brain doesn't fully develop until the age of 25. I blame lack of brain development on my unwise fashion choices during the early college years.] Anywho, enough about 1999, let's focus on the hear and now.
Ironically enough, I found myself at work one morning last week without a dab of foundation on my face [I've upgraded to Mary Kay - thank you, Anna], spotty eyeliner and pieces of the previous day's outfit. Why am I admitting this via the Al Gore information highway? Because I'm 92% confident that not many of you will make it through this entire ramble because we've grown accustomed to life updates in 140 characters or less. No big shocker that I'm terrible at the Twitter. The previous day's night out with a couple of my favorites totally warranted the 20-something antics in my 30-something world though so when it comes to shame, I've got none.
Since my last post in February, I have been quite busy. Those episodes of Arrested Development and Downton Abbey aren't going to watch themselves. Nor are all of those races going to run themselves. All those college students aren't going to admit and register themselves either, it seems.
Oh - I did go to Vegas. Again. I know. It's an addiction but I'm still up in my overall winnings so I'll keep going back until I'm not. Clarification: when I say "overall winnings" I'm referring to that trip about 5 years ago when I randomly put a $20 in a slot machine, turned it into 2K and immediately retired from the sport of professional gambling. I'm happy to report this recent trip included a Boyz II Men concert which only proves it's never too late for your pre-teen wishes to come true.
It was also in Vegas when a great friend asked me the question "when did you abandon your faith?" to which I promptly replied that I hadn't and one could still have a relationship with God without regular church attendance. Which is true, but y'all - unbeknown to me at the time, that question kind of rocked my little world in the days and weeks that followed. Frankly, it was a valid question and one that needed to be asked. I'm thankful that I have people to ask me the tough questions even if they have no idea at the time that it's a tough question. Please allow me to clarify a bit before my grandma gets wind of the fact that I might have abandoned my faith. Here lately, if someone were to ask me if I believe in God I would say without a doubt absolutely, I do. However, if someone were to ask me if I believe God as in "do you believe the promises that he makes to his kiddos?", my response would not be said with such confidence. I know the "right" answer in terms of what I'm supposed to say. But hello, hypocrite if I just repeat the Sunday school answer and don't actually believe it.
A couple of weeks ago I had lunch with another pal and over lunch I admitted that I believed God could and would do amazing incredible things in the lives of other people and I see it happen all the time, but my confidence that he would do something similar in mine was pretty low. [Um, I never ever ever intended to jump into this post this deep but it's been what's going on in my world so here we are.] Why do I feel that way? Because I haven't seen it yet. Yet. Entire books could be written or speeches given on the phrase "not yet" when in fact the simple explanation is that "not yet" is not synonmous with "never". But in this instant gratification, fast-paced, twitterific world we live in, I forget that truth more often than I remember it.
As I was driving home from work on the day Angel recommended an update I was thinking about how I had celebrated and begun another trip around the sun since my last post. I also thought about how my life looks nothing like I ever thought it would at this age, but for the first time in a long time I was totally ok with that. I realized that in reality we should never get to the point of feeling like we've completely arrived or have totally accomplished everything we have planned on by a certain stage of life because once we get to that state, what's the point of tomorrow or the next day? Have I mentioned before that I'm a slow and stubborn learner? Because I am. Still. It adds to my charm.
Truth is, we never know when we're finally going to find ourselves at that Boyz II Men concert, but suddenly one day we just might end up there long after that dream was forgotten. We should always be ready and prepared because what a travesty it would be to find ourselves in the audience or have to miss it all together because we didn't have the proper outfit for such an event. And who knows, Boyz II Men may not ever happen but in the long run that's a-ok too once we arrive only to realize NKOTB has taken the stage.