A couch. A camping chair. A crate.

While today's subject line does sound like an element of a bad joke, it's really just the main contents of my apartment these days. What can I say, what I lack in accessible worldly possessions, I make up for in written words here on the blog.

I am continuously grateful for my fantastic family for coming to help me load everything up and carry it to the next [still undetermined] destination. Something makes me think this guy's appreciation isn't as great.
He's less than enthused to not have the foot of the bed to sleep on for the next week. Take a number, buddy, I'm less than enthused to not have a bed to sleep in the for the next week.
Cash the wonder Lab knows something is up, and he will not let me out of his sight. Which really is no different than the last 4 years of my life now that I think about it.

At least I have options in the event sofa sleeping becomes too much of a first world problem for me to continue to endure. Seems that I've got a friendly neighbor. When I went out to leave on Sunday morning, this was on my windshield:

Poor guy really had no way of predicting that grammatical shortcuts are a major turn-off for me. You know, because otherwise leaving random anonymous notes with a phone number on an old gas receipt is how I've always imagined the future Mr. Heather Page would make his introduction.

When Ethan came over on Sunday night and I showed him the picture, he giggled and giggled like a school girl. I'm not sure what was so funny, the fact that someone showed interest in his sister or that he was thinking of all the times he tried a similar tactic and it didn't work for him either. He didn't laugh too long though because he's smart and knows better than to bite the hand that feeds him. During our most recent dinner outing, we had fun brother-sister bonding served with a side of cardiac arrest:

I can't believe he's been in Athens since August and hadn't discovered The Grill yet. Of course, I should probably be thankful that he hasn't because we all know what conditions make for the most enjoyable trips there.

It's officially my last full week as an Athens resident. It's bittersweet but I'm excited because I still have a couple of more fun stops to go before I finally head out for good. [Until week after next when I'm back in town 2 days in a row.] The last few weeks have been fantastic. Great times at great places with great people. I think one of the main takeaways from my "farewell tour" is that when I get to where I'm going next, I hope to remember to treat it as if I'm already on my way out of town. It's so easy to take people and opportunities and fun for granted because we can always find time for that tomorrow or next week or the next. Until suddenly we can't and there's more people and opportunties and fun to be had than there is time to have it.

Carpe diem, indeed. 

Advanced Education.

The song stuck in my head on today's run was "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons. It's a current fave but on this particular day, the last part of the chorus set off a little debate in my head. It goes like this: "but then I'll admit I'm just the same as I was / Now don't you understand that I'm never changing who I am"

The question that came to my mind was should we change who we are? Because never is a pretty strong word. The deep philosophical conclusion that I arrived at fairly quickly somewhere around mile 2 was that it depends.

Then I started thinking about it within the context of my own life. Fact: In 10ish days, I'm leaving this town a changed person from the girl who arrived here 5ish years ago. I moved here for the purpose of advanced education. My goal was to be here 2.5 years. Max. It was a means to an end that would in theory broaden my career opportunities with the added bonus of my boss finally hushing up about how I needed to go back to school. Because I came here with that goal, I suffered from a pretty severe case of tunnel vision until I finally graduated [a semester behind schedule] and realized that it was ok to like, even love, where I was at even though I had determined in the beginning that I would not.  

So, yeah, about that advanced education that brought me to Athens. Unbeknownst to me, I was in for so much more than I had imagined. I will always remember Dahlonega as the town where I lived when I became a "grown up". My first real job, my first apartment, my first apartment without a roomate. I cannot say for certain yet, but I think Athens is going to be remembered as the town where I lived when I gained an understanding of what it means to live. Not physical breathing and eating and sleeping, but actually living. Because I've lived many years waiting to start living. Does that make sense? Probably not, but we all get trapped in the "I'll do this when..." cycle every once in awhile. I was trapped in it for a long while.

I'm sure years from now I'll still be tracing lessons learned back to this stage of  life but before I shift my attention to the next stage, I feel it necessary to document a few big ones now for posterity to ensure they do not get lost in the shuffle. Plus, you would quickly be bored out of your gourd if I documented them all here in the public domain.

As trite as it sounds, Faith, Hope, and Love hit the highlights.

Faith. I learned that it's pretty easy to say that you have it until something big happens that brings it into question. Never have I read, journaled, questioned and studied my faith like I have here. Talk about higher education.

Hope. I learned that as long as we have hope, we have a chance to make tomorrow better than today. I learned that it's hope that enables you to survive the things that until you're in the middle of them, you would have never been able to imagine experiencing. I have learned those unimaginable experiences are quite subjective and different for everyone so our compassion is much more necessary than our judgment.

Love. I learned what it means to love another person more than myself. This was a biggie for me. I learned that it's risky. I learned that it's worth the risk. I learned to let down walls and be loved. This was a biggie for me too. It's risky too. Worth it? You bet.

So back to my original question and answer. I think if we refuse to change, we are refusing the opportunity to grow. If we change for the wrong reasons, we will never grow. If our ears and nose never stop growing, why should our brains and our hearts?
 

Girl Should Not Live On Cookies Alone.

When I'm stressed out I do one of the following: run, bake, and write.
Saturday, I ran 8.5 miles and wrote some notes. Sunday, I baked 4 dozen cookies. Monday, I ran 3.5 miles. Today, I'm blogging. And I just offered to bake pumpkin bread for a pal to take to a breakfast tomorrow.
It's nice to know that my coping mechanisms are fully functional.

While I'm on the subject of stress, let's just go ahead and get a few things straight. Sure, I'm twirling my hair and wondering how in the world I'm ever going to get every single thing on my to-do list accomplished. [A good start would be to get off of the silly internet.] Yes, that's stressful. BUT, it's not "your dad has a 10% chance of living through the night" stressful. I've experienced both types, and I've learned that when one is in a really critical, stress-inducing situation, one does not have time to document miles ran and cookies baked on a blog. In other words, I'm not complaining. I believe the term for this they teach the youngsters in Health Psychology class is "eustress". I suspect that the term which best describes me right now is "frazzled" or "Liz Lemon". Because it's normal to unknowingly drop your keys when walking the dog in the morning only to return back to your locked door before realizing something is missing, right? And then you get to retrace your steps completely while on the hunt for said keys. In the rain. Or refer to a male coworker as "Ms." in a printed document for a little event that I'm responsible for planning at work. Hello, Monday. You really should come around more often.

My Monday continued when I returned my defective running shoes that I had previously ordered online to the local sporting goods store in my future town. If you are my FB friend, you've already seen the bang up job the postman did of hiding them upon delivery:

I still giggle when I think about his decision to put the doormat over a gigantic box as a cover. While at the store, I learned that they have been discontinued and it was that pair or nothing. I might have grieved the loss by swearing off running for good and drowning my sorrows in a Five Guys cheeseburger. I'm super stoked to start the hunt for a new favorite running shoe because I have about as much success in that area as I do in finding an intelligent and charming man who appreciates my sardonic wit and humor. Hmmm, maybe one works at the shoe store. Two birds, one stone. Oh how I love efficiency.

For dinner last night I had some of the cookies that I baked on Sunday. They really complemented that burger from lunch. That is one thing that I don't mind about being a little bit stressed because my metabolism responds by morphing into that of a 14 year-old boy's. I can eat and eat and eat and not gain an ounce. It's deee-light-ful. The other day I took the baby brother to lunch and ate more than he did. He's 19 and looks like this:

Tall and skinny [and incredibly adorably cute but I'm a big sister so of course I could be biased]. I am particularly fond of this picture because it was taken recently and he's wearing a shirt of mine from when I was in the 9th grade. In fact that's really the only reason why I'm including the picture. What? Didn't every girl from Georgia go through a future-lumberjack stage and wear flannels from American Eagle? It was only a phase, people. I'm a total girly girl. I've always admired Ethan for his ahem, sense of style. Down to the black crew socks with shorts and Sperry's. Lord bless the middle child. Anywho, back to my metabolism. I try not to take it or my good health for granted and abuse it so I must check myself before I wreck myself and abstain from eating cookies for dinner 3 nights in a row. Starting tomorrow. I'll probably run out of cookies between now and then anyway.

One Bourbon. One Scotch. One Beer.

Perhaps you're wondering why the title of today's post is inspired by a song that my mind most commonly associates with George Thorogood's voice. You really shouldn't waste your time wondering such things, but the truth is I would like two of each, please, bartender. I suspect just half of one though would send me straight into a state of slumber that would make Rip Van Winkle look like a power napper.

 

See this?

 

It is a snapshot of my work desktop earlier today. Ridiculous. Yes, one could argue that what is even more ridiculous is that I stopped to document this nonsense. The snipping tool accessory is my new favorite discovery though so I make the most of every opportunity to use it. [And that's why you should elect me Queen of the Nerd Herd!]

This is a fantastic illustration of my current state of affairs. Lots of important things to do. Lots of things that I want to address. Yet I'm dragging my feet because while I know that there cool things ahead in some new windows, I still really like my current view. So I want to keep them open a little longer.

Insane Courage.

So, remember my last post about Stone Paths? I wrote it as a reminder to myself. Actually many of my posts serve that purpose because if I put it here instead of in a journal there's a little bit more accountability to actually walk the talk I'm so good at talking.

Here's the deal: I am dug in with both heels on my current stone. I wrote that post late Friday night when I should have been sleeping [or packing boxes]. In fact, I should be packing boxes right now or at least chipping away at something on my to-do list that is so complex it closely resembles an org chart of the soon-to-be consolidated institution I know and love dearly. There is nothing about me that wants to leave Athens. I'll write about that irony another day.

On Sunday I went to church and I'm a little surprised the bulletin didn't say "Dear Heather, listen closely 'cause this one's for you." because hello, relevant. Now, if you happen to be reading this and the word "church" makes you break out into hives, stay with me. Please. I promise not to preach. Thank you.

Have you guys ever seen "We Bought a Zoo"? I haven't either. However the current series at church is titled "20 Seconds of Courage" inspired by a part in this movie. Here's the hyperlink if you want to catch the under a minute snippet. The point is that Matt Damon's character is talking to his son [I think] and tells him "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."

When I'm really honest with myself, I know that there are times and situations when I'm driven more by fear than courage. It's nothing that I'm exactly proud to shout from the rooftop but it's me...HP. Now I'm not talking about conspiracy theory bury all of your money in coffee cans in the backyard type of fear. I'm talking about the fear of being told no or rejected therefore I just choose not to try. Sure, it may be great that I am hardly ever told no, but I have significantly limited my potential for "yes". I get that the person I'm hurting more than anyone is myself but good heavens, who all am I not helping as a result of this mindset? It's quite ridiculous when I actually type out the words.

At some point in the sermon the pastor mentioned that today is the day of salvation and I honestly kind of stopped listening for a few minutes because I was busy writing the following in my journal:
Today is the day of confession.
Today is the day of surrender.
Today is the day of obedience.
Today is the day to choose faith over fear.
Today is the day of freedom.

I think it's fear that often prevents us from confession, surrender, and obedience which is turn prohibits us from living a life where we are free to live courageously. We're afraid someone may find out there actually is a heart under a tough as nails surface. We're afraid that if we stand up for what we believe in, we will be shunned by the people we want to like and respect us. We're afraid that if we stop trying to control circumstances then our lives will spin completely and totally out of control. We're afraid to let go of our own agenda to take hold of a better one. By "we", I mean "I'. I'm guilty of all of those things and it's quite exhausting to let fear lead.

Sure, having courage can generate a type of fear too, but it's typically pretty temporary when we experience the outcome of showing courage. I have much more regret over decisions made in fear than actions taken in courage. So, if we truly believed that showing just 20 seconds of insane courage would lead to something great, what would we accomplish? We can hold our breath for 20 seconds and live to tell about it. This means we can be courageous for 20 seconds and live to tell about it too. [Most of the time. Unless your definition of courage involves only actions taken by Evel Kneivel.]

What does 20 seconds of courage look like?
Saying yes to an unknown future filled with potential that is yet to be seen?
Saying no to instant gratification in exchange for something better a little further down the road? Calling a friend and saying "I'm sorry"?
Calling a loved one and saying "I forgive you"?
Asking her out for coffee?
Telling him you're just not that into him?
Texting "99999" to a disaster relief agency?
Committing to volunteer somewhere outside of your comfort zone?
Admitting you were wrong?
Recognizing and celebrating the accomplishment of someone in your circle?

The possibilities are quite limitless. I actually need a few minutes of courage to catch up on some things that I have been allowing to hold me back. It doesn't matter where I start, as long as I start. So um, please remind me of this, ok? Thanks.

Fill in the blank: Today is the day of _________________________. Go ahead. Go insane.

"This is my command - Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:9

Stone Paths.

Earlier this week I told what is a pretty significant part of my story in a matter of seconds. Isn't it strange how time shaves major life events down into simple bits and pieces of common conversation? While I was talking, in my mind I was thinking about how funny life can be. Or maybe it's just my life that's funny. You know, we shouldn't mistake events that are ultimately recounted in a couple of sentences as being insignificant or determine that what we define as "the past" is just time wasted. Honestly there are times when I get really hung up in that twisted line of thinking. It's a trap that completely defeats the whole point of the story. I don't believe that the point of the stories that shape our lives is for us to become good storytellers. Sure, the stories that we share verbally in Cliffs Notes format have purpose and depending upon the version they are comedic, tragic, or simply a great mystery in a "was I on drugs or something?" kind of way. But. The point of these stories is for us to become the people we were created to be and to live the lives that we were put on this earth to live. I'm a visual learner and the visual image that comes to my mind when I think about this is a stone path. Think Thomas Kinkade original cottage in the woods type scene. There's a nice little walkway with stones placed in a way that isn't perfectly uniform leading up to the front door. The stones are a little asymmetrical. Some are pretty and smooth while some have really jagged edges. Each stone has a purpose in that it directs us to where we're going and it keeps us out of the muddy muck along the way. If just one stone is missing, it creates a large gap that slows us down or keeps us from getting where we want to go. Sometimes we have to take really big steps between each stone while there are others that almost touch each other. Each stone represents an event or chapter in our story. High school, college, jobs, relationships, deaths of loved ones, moves, etc. Just as multiple stones are required to make a path, multiple events are required to make a life. The trick is to not get stuck on or lament over the existence of one of the stones. As long as we continue to wake up and walk each morning, we still have work to do and much to anticipate. That's a good thing. Keep walking. There's another stone just ahead.

What a Mighty God We Serve.

Am I the only one who grew up in a small Baptist church whose youth choir would sing a song by the same title as today's blog post? Alrighty then.
For the last few weeks this has been the almost constant "theme music" running in the back of my mind. I guess it started in early July when the family of Hannah Johnson Rinehart began telling so beautifully a story of our mighty God at work in her life. I have known Hannah since college so while this is a new chapter, she has been a beautiful example of overcoming the odds and giving God the glory for many years. I would encourage you to praise Jesus and pray for Hannah's continued healing if you are not already doing so.

There are days when I become so overwhelmed by the bigness of my Savior that it's difficult to imagine that the same God who created this

also created this

And not only did He create that little red-headed mess, He loves it [me!] infinitely and knows it [me!] better than anyone on this planet will ever love and know it [me!]. What's most amazing about this realization? The depth of his love and knowledge is limitless and is for all of His children, not just yours truly.

Because He knows us so personally and deeply, He knows exactly what we need. Since He's the God who provides [Jehovah-jireh for those of you who enjoy the many names of God], not only does He know what we need, He provides what we need...when we need it. Am I the only one who is blown away by that? Sure, we grow up in church hearing this over and over again but do we really believe it? Do we believe it when the odds are seemingly stacked against us and there is no way out for as far as our short-sighted human eyes can see? Honestly, I am better at believing it some days than I am during others.

This morning these were the 3 verses related to my morning devotion:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." - Romans 5:1

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." - 2 Thessalonians 3:16

When I'm completely honest, I didn't think to myself "hmm, I wonder how I am going to incorporate this scripture into my life today". But as the day progressed and events unfolded, I did take comfort and find peace in the truth in those words.

And then. [I love "and then's".] Over my lunch hour I worked on my Bible study. Y'all, Beth Moore is like a Bible study drill sergeant. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but she is intense and requires lots of homework. I'm going through her James study right now and my verses today were James 1:5-8:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Today I needed wisdom. Who am I kidding, I need wisdom every single day that I live, but especially today. Did anyone here notice that James tells us that we are to ask God for wisdom? Why should we ask for wisdom when He knows our needs and thoughts better than we do? Why doesn't He just automatically provide us with wisdom?

Maybe it's because true wisdom comes from God so that by seeking Him and asking for wisdom, we are in a better position to combine wisdom with knowledge to make good choices. Maybe it's because as soon as we think we are capable of doing something all by ourselves that is contrary to what we know about Godly wisdom. We are absolutely incapable of anything without God's hand in our lives but because of God's hand in our lives, we can overcome seemingly insurmountable trials and tribulations. Or we can just make good choices. Not all matters in life are major, but God wants to be in all of them - major and minor.

Today I am thankful for the reminder to pray for wisdom. I need to filter my words and actions wisely when being a friend, or an employee, or any other role that I fulfill from day to day. If I want to tell God's story through my story then I cannot leave Him out of the decision making process. Trust me, I've done it and those are not the kind of stories that I want to share at dinner parties. They are, however, the kind of stories other people love to share at dinner parties. And who here really wants to be a dinner party conversation topic? Exactly.

This passage also tells us what to do about doubt. This is no mystery: don't do it. Why not? Because didn't I just read this morning elsewhere to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding? I believe that I did. What happens when I lean on my own understanding? I fall flat on my face. Not literally but the image that comes to mind is of me literally falling flat on my face because my understanding is about as strong as one of those super super skinny dowel rods that I always asked for each time I went to the hardware store with my dad when I was little. [Whatever, I was kind of a nerdy kid.] What? When we acknowledge him in all ways, he directs our paths and makes them straight? Oh, got it. So a straight path leaves little room for doubt doesn't it? Ok. So that means that I'm not supposed fix things the way that I wish I could? Perhaps maybe my role is to sit quietly and pray without ceasing [and speaking!]? Hmm, well that's wise, now isn't it?

This really isn't rocket science and I applaud you all who never ever struggle with this kind of stuff. For those of you like me who finds peace and assurance in knowing that God is in the details even when the details seem very small, perhaps this will serve as a reminder that while something like a morning devotion or lunch hour Bible study may just be our routine, it may come to us on a particular day and at a particular time in which we are to use and apply to something that so much greater and bigger than just ourselves.

"For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen!" -Romans 11:36

Conditional Obedience. Unconditional Love.

Remember how back in January, I made the commitment to clean out my coat closet? Then when I finally bit the bullet and did it, I was so proud and so motivated to keep going and clean out all of my other closets? Yeah, well, do you want to know what zaps motivation to clean for this girl? The lure of a Sunday afternoon nap...A new season of The Voice...spring weather...a thousand and fifty-two trips home in the last thousand and fifty-three weeks. Pretty much anything and everything. I do love a good distraction. BUT, last Friday after a 4 a.m. wake-up call and quick trip to the airport for breakfast with a friend passing through town, I gave myself a pep talk all the way back up Hwy. 316 that I was going to do something productive with the rest of my day. Good news: my pep talk worked. I worked my little fingers to the bone all last weekend and I put that gas-guzzling truck that I'm currently driving around town to good use with multiple trips to the dumpster and trips to Goodwill. I have no idea how one person can accumulate so much stuff over the years. It's ridiculous. These first-world problems sure are tough. [insert eye roll at my own consumerism here]

At some point on Saturday, I discovered a bright green folded up piece of paper in the middle of this madness:

 [Side note: Cash was less than enthused to share his floor.]

On said green piece of paper, I had written four Oswald Chambers quotes and James 1:4.

"We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite."

"If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious."

"Many of us are all right in the main, but there are some domains in which we are slovenly. In numberless ways God will bring us back to the same point over and over again until we learn the lesson because He is producing the finished product."

"Wait on God and He will work, but don't wait in spiritual sulks because you cannot see an inch in front of you. ... To wait is not to sit with folded hands, but to learn to do what we are told."

James 1:4 - "But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

I have no idea when I made these notes or what the inspiration behind it was, but clearly, the information is timeless or maybe just maybe I should pay particular attention to quote #3. Throughout the remainder of the weekend, I kept going back to the piece of paper and re-reading the quotes. Then I started thinking. Ugh, I hate it when I think.

I started thinking about how conditional my obedience to God is. I'm not making excuses for my behavior or placing blame on parenting tactics, but as little people we are essentially trained that if we behave in a positive way, then we will receive a treat or reward. Which begs the question, what expectation is created? Obedient children or a life filled with rewards? While this approach may certainly have benefits, we cannot transfer this way of thinking over to our relationship with our heavenly father. [And by "we", I mean "I"] Why not? Doesn't Scripture teach us that when we delight in the Lord, he gives us the desires of our hearts? Or if we ask in His name, then it will be given unto us? Confession: I spend far too much time focusing on the last parts of those verses than I do on the first parts. What does delighting in the Lord really look like? Or asking things in His name? Probably not pouting and sulking when things don't go according to our plan.

Far too often I approach God as a child approaches Santa at Christmas. I say that I've been a good girl because I get up and go to church even when I am sleepy, I tithe, I read my Bible, I say my prayers. So then I present my requests with nary a thought or consideration as to what my life would really look like if I got all of those things that I asked for. Notice the common pronouns there? How possessive and HP-centric can a girl be? Just as my parents used discernment in not giving me every single thing on my Christmas list, God in Heaven uses discernment too. Discernment that protects. Discernment that provides. Discernment found in unconditional love for his conditionally obedient children.

"Not my will, but yours be done." ...May this be our prayer.

It's all a blur.

It's mid-May. Did this happen while I was sleeping? I really for the life of me cannot figure out where this year has gone. Nor can I figure out for the life of me why I sound like an 82 year old woman by writing about time and how it's passing so quickly. Well, at least I'm having fun.

Since I blogged last, we've celebrated Easter...

[We missed Justin at the Easter celebration.]

Celebrated Cash's 4th birthday...

[No, he didn't get cake. Yes, he's still crazy energetic.]

Celebrated Micah's 14th birthday...

[How did that little baby boy in orange grow up to be 14 already? Wasn't it just my freshman year of college when I was getting a page on my pager [stop laughing, you know non-drug dealers had pagers in the late 90's] from mom and dad with the "in labor, headed to hospital" code? [Again, enough with the 82 year old woman talk.]

Celebrated a marriage...


Celebrating Adam and Valerie's wedding was super fun...


Celebrated treasured friendships...

[I do not know why this picture is life size. In fact, I think it's larger than life size. Just focus on Baby E. who is impossibly adorable.]

For more photo evidence of the aforementioned fun, hop on over here.

We also celebrated Mother's Day, and I do love my mama very, very much. She was down with the sickness on Mother's Day though so I expressed my love by throwing a sleeve of saltines and can of Sprite and cold washrags to her from the hallway outside of her bedroom door. Clearly I'm not a mom yet or my nurture gene would have been a little more....um, nurturing.

In other news I also registered for a half-marathon. Yep. I'm committed. If I pay muchos pesos for a registration fee, I'm going to do it. I must have been under the influence of a runner's high when I registered because sitting here at my desk in the cool air-conditioned controlled climate, I am dreading this afternoon's run and totally second guessing that decision. At least I have until December to mentally prepare. Yes, it's in December and I registered for it in April. There's a 96% chance I'll forget that I even registered for it by race day.

Ok, that's all for now. Maybe in another 5 weeks or so I'll be back with completely unsolicited commentary on things like my current favorite songs, summer television shows, or something as equally nonsensical and dullsville.

Soundtrack: You Can Do This & You Will Do This Edition.

Y'all. I don't really like for my posts to sound like they are written by Debbie Downer, but my heart is heavy and burdened for so many precious folks in my life. Bodies are failing, marriages are falling apart, strongholds are getting stronger. The thing about hurt and pain is that it's not easily defined and what may be a struggle for one isn't for another. So it's times like these that while I really, really, really just want to fix it and make it better for the people in my circle whom I love and care for dearly, I have learned that sometimes the best response is being like Job's friends. And for you Bible scholars out there who know much more about the book of Job than I do, I'm specifically referring to their initial response when Job initially lost seemingly everything:

"When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was." Job 2:11-13

I love how they responded because they went to him, they grieved for him and along with him, and then they remained with him even when they knew that they could not change circumstances.

Andy Stanley has a fantastic message on the topic of Pain in a series called Twisted titled "Facing Forward". [It's Part 3, for those of you who may be inspired to follow the link and listen...which I highly recommend!] In his message he uses one of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world”. Please don't be mistaken and take this as God is shouting at us and He's using this pain as a message to try to 'get our attention' or 'make us pay'. I struggled with that way of thinking for a long, long time because I had [and sometimes still have] the tendency to believe that I was experiencing a painful event as punishment as a result of something that I had done. Of course, our decisions can lead us to experience painful situations, but once again, I was giving myself way too much credit for being able to control my life and my circumstances and figure out God's responses to my behavior. Besides, God is a God of grace, not in your face punishment. He loves us. [and because he loves us, he disciplines us, yes.] He grieves with us.

For those of you who love music as much as I do, I have certain "go to" songs depending upon whether I'm experiencing good, bad, mediocre, or somewhere in between. I also have weird hang-ups about only listening to Alison Krauss during the fall months but that's another post for another psychotherapist to decipher. So here are some of my current favorite songs for when things in life are a little chaotic or full of hurt and confusion:

I Will Not Be Moved. Natalie Grant.
Overcome. Jeremy Camp.
Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You). Kelly Clarkson. [Confession: I do the dance that's in the video on a regular basis in my living room. And I look super awesome when I do.]
The Hurt and The Healer. MercyMe
Walk. Foo Fighters. [Not going to lie: There really aren't very many situations in life in which FF can't improve matters at least a little.]
Times Like These. Foo Fighters.
Lift High. Steve Fee. "Nothing brings him greater fame / When broken people call his name."
God's Not Dead. Newsboys.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge in this post that today would have been my daddy's 57th birthday. We miss him greatly and there are still some days when I catch myself thinking "Really? My dad isn't here and I can't just pick up the phone and call him if I want to?" It's not that I'm in denial, it's just that even after almost three years, the death of a loved one is still a bit surreal. It catches you off guard at the most unexpected times. In the beginning those moments were absolutely excruciating and I dreaded them. It was still too new and the pain was far too great. Eventually though those moments became welcome because they serve as nice reminders of sweet memories. [Even if the nice man sitting next to you on the airplane cannot for the life of him figure out why this girl just suddenly teared up for no apparent reason at all in mid-conversation.]

So, if you're out there reading this and you happen to be going through a painful period in life, not only can you get through it, you will get through it.