Pomp & Circumstance gets me every. single. time.

Dear Ethan,
Today you graduated from high school.
That makes you kind of a big deal. But the truth is that in my world, you've always been kind of a big deal. You see, for years I had cried and begged and pleaded with mom and dad to have another kid so I would have someone to play with. [Apparently between the ages of 4-6, I thought they could just go to Kmart or Richway and pick one up on a Saturday afternoon.] By middle school I had accepted and embraced my only child world. Then suddenly during the fall of my 8th grade year, it was rocked when I learned that I was going to have to learn how to share. When you burst onto the scene on June 1, 1993, I got a new title and a new role to play in life: Sister.

Pause. I know what you're thinking: "If you got the title of sister, then why do you always act like my mom?!?" Of course the short answer to that question is "because I'm your older sister and everyone knows that the first born children are always the bossiest [and wisest!], that's why." But the other part of my answer to that question is that when little boys are born, they immediately take up permanent residence in part of the hearts of the women that are the closest to them. I remember telling mom when you were just days old that it was like you had always been here. You just belonged in our family right from the start and you began filling your own unique role the very moment that you took your first breath.

Speaking of your own unique role...you truly are one of a kind. I've always admired [and been a little envious] of your ability to take control of a room and move with ease and confidence in just about any social situation.
It was charming and endearing when you were just learning how to talk because if you said it once, you said "fatch this, Heather, fatch!" a thousand times.
If my friends were over and we ignored your continuous commands to "fatch" your latest and greatest trick, things got a little embarrassing when you would just run as fast as your two-year old little legs would carry you into my room without a stitch of clothing on your naked baby bottom. Needless to say, you got our attention. A bit of sisterly advice: don't reintroduce this party trick during your college years because naked butts are only cute pre-potty training. Today I was honored to "fatch" you walk across the stage and accept your diploma as you reached your latest and greatest milestone. While I'm on the subject of unique, I've always been quite impressed with your unique style. Do you realize that for a couple of years when people would ask you what your name was, you would answer with "Walker, Texas Ranger"? Naturally, you were wearing some combination of boots, a cowboy hat, and holster when you identified yourself as Walker. Some days you were Batman. Other days you were Cowboy Woody.
And don't forget the Power Ranger days either. This day was likely an identity crisis for you, but you sure looked cute in the midst of it. As you've grown, your style has as well. In fact there have been some days that I've wondered if it's grown so much that you're taking fashion advice from the octogenarians at the local retirement home when you walk out wearing your tall black socks and mesh baseball cap from the early 80's. But when the occasion warrants, you can dress up quite nicely too.
Even though you're now a much wiser than you were yesterday high school graduate, there are still plenty of days ahead when as your big sister [who allegedly acts like your mom at times], I will absolutely bug the beejeesus out of you. And you'll roll your eyes at my advice and likely get mad when I continue to carry out my role that you gave me [big sister, in case you've already forgotten]. As lame as it may sound, I do hope that you always know how very proud to be your sister I have always been. It's easy to be proud of you because you are genuinely a good kid. Perfect? Nope. But perfection results in nothing but unnecessary pressure so who needs perfection anyway? As your big sister, I want only the very best things for you. But more than the very best things, I want you to always know and believe that you are capable of achieving and worthy of experiencing the very best things this world has to offer. Here's another bit of free sisterly advice: When I say things, I'm not talking about tangible things that are only going to lose value as they age. I'm talking about continuing to surround yourself with good people and letting the people who love you more than anything continue to love you and living a full and fulfilled life. Doing life with good people brings about moments and experiences that only become more valuable as the memories made in those moments become the stories that you laugh about and share for years on end. While I was bursting with happiness as we celebrated you and your achievements today, I was also sad and sorry that Daddy wasn't here with us. It sucks. It's not fair that your cheering section was missing very key people who I know are very special to you. But while Daddy wasn't there today, I know without a doubt that he was proud of you every single day that he was here in this world playing the role of your dad. You are his first son. The son that he hoped for and wished for and waited for. Just as I had hoped and wished and waited for a little brother or sister for years, he and mom had hoped and wished and waited for a son during those same years. And neither you nor I will ever fully understand just what that means until we have kiddos of our own one day. By the by, I get to have kids first. It doesn't matter if I'm 53 and still unmarried and you're 39 and have been married for 4 years...you can't have kids until after I do. [Kids? Why am I talking about kids? You've got a whole lot of living to do before it's time to start thinking about kids.]

Trust me when I say that the best is yet to come. I don't want you to nor would I ever expect you to live your life in a way that is patterned after mine. I want you to continue to be the same unique and loving and funny and smart and witty boy that you have always been. Because that boy is becoming a man with each passing day. It's not a transition that happens overnight. It's not a transition that can be forced. And even years from now when you are an old man with a full moustache (ha!) and even hair growing out of your ears, nose, and out from around the back of your shirt collar (ewww), I will continue to be your big sister who will always be standing in your corner fighting your battles alongside you [not for you] and celebrating your victories with you.

I love you forever and ever with that whole part of my heart that is devoted just to you,

Heather

PS - Make good choices.