Sunday, April 19, 2009

Procrastination in Progress

Has anyone ever noticed the direct correlation between how frequently I post on my blog and the academic calendar? It's two weeks until the end of the semester so of course I'm inspired with all sorts of blog-worthy material.

Tonight I was all set to discuss what is seemingly the downfall of country music. Yesterday as I was restoring order and balance to my apartment, closet, and email inbox, I had the CMT Top 20 countdown on as background noise. [Because otherwise I would have gotten sucked into the vortex that is SoapNet's back-to-back episodes of 90210.] I'm a sucker for a countdown show though, and I especially love it that the VH1 weekly countdown goes off just as the CMT countdown is coming on because nothing screams an exciting Saturday morning of having nowhere to go and nothing to do like 4.5 hours of music videos does. So a few minutes into the show I heard an old familiar voice that belongs to none other than the pride of Tennessee...Dolly Parton. I'm here to report that she has the #17 song on the video charts this week with her new song, Backwoods Barbie. I wish that I was making this stuff up. [For further entertainment, please google search the lyrics of this song.] Quite possibly the only people in this world who should be excited that Dolly Parton is belting out chart toppers are the members of Foreigner. A source close to the Foreigner camp has informed me that the jukebox heroes are coming out with a new album [Should I stop referring to them as albums now that we have entered the year 2009? Probably.] and if Dolly is still making it, then these guys are guaranteed a number 1 spot on the VH1 countdown in my opinion. Provided they make a video, that is. I wish that I could say that Backwoods Barbie was the darkest spot in the entire show, but unfortunately it was not. I believe that the low point was Trace Adkins' inspiring song: Marry for Money. The upside would be if Trace did take his own advice then perhaps his new sugar momma would foot the bill for him to get a hair cut. The bright spots in the midst of Darius Rucker, formerly known as Hootie, twanging sad country songs and Taylor Swift belting out songs containing subject matter that I think she is far too young to be singing about which is concerning since she writes her songs based on "life experience" were Lady Antebellum, Keith Urban, and Carrie Underwood. Lady Antebellum is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. I love their new song, I Run to You so much. Maybe I'll see them in Nashville this coming weekend. Maybe that will be the song that is playing when the EMTs come running towards me with the defibrillator.

At the beginning of this nonsensical ramble, I indicated that I set out originally to discuss the day that country music almost died. But then I realized that the Miss USA pageant was on TV. Live from the fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada. Now when I was in Vegas earlier this year, the Miss America pageant was in town [hence the reason I was there in the first place] so at first I was a little confused and thought that it was being shown again for some reason. Then I remembered that they are two very different pageants and Miss USA is in fact the least scholarly of the "scholarship competitions" as some like to refer to them as. One question regarding the whole event that is really on my mind is what qualifies Kenan Thompson to be a judge for such a competition? Please think on that and get back to me with your answer. Speaking of answers, I'm pretty sure that the reason why Miss California did not win the whole deal is because she answered Perez Hilton's question on same-sex marriage in a politically incorrect manner. As in she said that she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. Good job, Miss Cali. Please forgive me for wondering about the authenticity of your very full smile. The good news is she is ready and willing to serve in the event that Miss NC is not able to fulfill her duties as Miss USA. I wonder what would prevent her from fulfilling her duties? Breaking her ankle? It would definitely prevent her from walking with grace and poise across the stage in the upcoming Miss Universe pageant. Oh speaking of walking across the stage, poor Miss West Virginia was uncomfortable walking out there in her swimsuit and high heels. She was probably thinking the same thing I would be "All the old ladies and deacons from church are watching this right now with my grandparents." I really enjoyed getting the little information on the side of the screen as the contestants were walking that shared fun facts with us like where they were in college at, interests, hobbies, height, hometown, etc. My favorite interests included: BAKING CUPCAKES and online shopping. I'm pretty sure none of those girls have eaten a cupcake since their 8th birthday party so Miss Tennessee should at least get the humanitarian award for putting herself through the torture of baking such delectable sweets while never allowing the first drop of buttercream icing to reach her taste buds. Speaking of online shopping, I think there's a sale at Pottery Barn.

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