I don't make the news. I just read it.

Due to sheer lack of nothing better to blog about, I've decided to compile a quick little list of the headlines that have caught my eye over the past couple of days. Some good. Some bad. Some absolutely absurd. [In my opinion.]

I prefer the pirates who live in Never, Neverland and the Caribbean. The whole matter of piracy in the Gulf of Aden has always been a little intriguing to me since I first learned about it a few months ago. Of course it became a little more personal when a US ship was seized last week and all of the networks were abuzz about it. How incredible is Richard Phillips? [That's the captain of the ship who allowed the pirates to take him in order to spare his crew for those of you who prefer to remain detached from world affairs.] I see a made for TV movie in his future.

Bo knows the Oval Office. We are in a recession. Wars are being fought. Natural disasters abound. And there are people debating whether or not the new First Dog is truly a "rescue"? Come on people, if the Commander-in-Chief is going to break a campaign promise I prefer that it's this one. They are a family. The little girls just want a dog. Let Ted Kennedy pick it out for them in peace.

Since when does Washington control Detroit? [I never claimed to be reporting the most current news.] I'm sure there are all sorts of sides to this story that I'm far too tired to debate, but if Wagoner really was asked to resign then I think this is why I was a little hesitant about this whole big bail-out rescue business in the first place. I've heard of lands that operate in a similar manner.

A wolf in sheep's clothing. This story absolutely breaks my heart. I will never in my life understand how someone could do something so terrible and unthinkable to a child. But I don't think that we are meant to understand these kinds of acts.

"I knew he was getting serious when he asked to see my high school yearbooks." Really? What about the poor kids who had train tracks all over their pearly whites and were self-conscious of it so they didn't smile? Does this automatically put them at a disadvantage for happily ever after? One would think that their chances would actually be greater given the eventual straight teeth and all. What will those crazy social psychologists think of next?

I just thought that I was a grand winner.

You stay classy, blogosphere.