Et tu, Brute?

Today's topic: Betrayal.

The dictionary definition of this word is simply "the exhibition of disloyalty".

Synonyms include: deception, treason, dishonesty, unfaithfulness

Antonyms include: faithfulness, loyalty, protection, support

The meaning of the word is really quite simple and doesn't require that much explanation. However, what one cannot find in the dictionary is an explanation of how it feels. Perhaps that is because it's so personal. So much so that even though the "same exact thing" might have happened to a thousand people, none of them feel or experience it in the "same exact way". This really should come as no surprise considering that of the 6.7 billion people in the world, the vast majority has 8 fingers and 2 thumbs, but none have the same fingerprint patterns. All that to say, what I share here is based solely on my own personal experience.

Experiencing betrayal is very much like an earthquake. The initial jolt is the harshest and most severe. It stirs up feelings of shock, disbelief, anger, hurt, disappointment, and disgust. There is no order. Everything that was seemingly in place and made sense is suddenly in complete disarray around you. But the human body is amazing because it almost seems as if upon discovery, a big fat dose of Novocaine is immediately administered in order to numb the senses to make coping a little more bearable. The numbness is only temporary though, and eventually the raw pain sets in. Oddly enough, the pain is such that your body physically hurts even though there has been no physical injury. It's heavy. It makes even the simple functions that we take for granted (i.e., eating) seem laborious. Fortunately, just as pain subsides when our bodies recover from physical injury it does the same with emotional injury. You just can't see the bruise fading from deep purple to ugly yellow to nothing with your own two eyes.

But then there are the aftershocks. Personally, I think it's the aftershocks that may be the most difficult because you never know when they are going to happen. Even though they are more subtle, they are comprised of questions with no answers, doubts of all that you believed to be true, feelings of shame, regret, and foolishness.

Questions that one may ask after being betrayed include:

How in the world could a person that I care about so deeply possibly hurt me in such a manner? Why did I not see the obvious signs? Did they really think that I'm that dumb? Am I that dumb? Did I ever really know that person at all? Will I ever be able to trust again? What kind of person does this sort of thing?

The English language has a word for this kind of person: Traitor.

Again, the dictionary definition is quite simple in that it is "a person who betrays another, a cause, or any trust".

Synonyms include: husband, wife, daughter, son, father, mother, companion, fiancee, leader, pastor, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, confidant, neighbor

It's true. Usually it's the people in our inner circle who betray us. This is because in order for trust to be broken, it has to first be established. Relationship is involved. It's the people that we have allowed ourselves to become the most vulnerable to that we are at the greatest risk of being betrayed by. Seems like a double-edged sword, huh?

When I think about traitors who we all know and love [to hate], I think of three men: Judas Iscariot, Benedict Arnold, and Tiger Woods. Together these three men have literally betrayed what some consider to be the three most precious and sacred things we have: God, Country, Family. Why in the world would these three of all people do such a thing? Weren't they in pretty good shape? Let's consider it.

Judas Iscariot: He was one of Jesus' 12 main men and he betrayed Him. Why? For a measly 30 pieces of silver. In short - greed. As a result of his actions, shortly after the kiss of death that he gave to Jesus, he imposed one of sorts on himself when he committed suicide.

Benedict Arnold: He was a general during the Revolutionary War who began the good fight in pursuit of liberty from the surly Brits and later defected to the British Army. Why? Well, I'm not up on my early American history so please don't correct me if I'm wrong, but it's something to the effect that he was passed over for a promotion when others took credit for his accomplishments and it snowballed from there. In short - bitterness. As a result of his actions, he exchanged the pursuit of the American Dream for bad tea and crumpets for the remainder of his days.

Tiger Woods: He's the highest paid professional athlete in the world who likes the ladies way too much. Why? Your guess is as good as mind because let's be honest, Elin is hot and the pancake house waitress is not. And then there's the fact that he made a lifelong commitment to Elin to be a good husband, and she's the mother of his children. My theory - power. We're yet to see the long term effects of his actions but if his performance on the golf course this season is any indicator then I would say the outlook is rather bleak.

This trio is not exactly good company if you ask me, yet I think we can all learn a lot from their stories. Let's take them as cautionary tales.

As much as we may wish it weren't so, there are two big truths about betrayal. First, we are all capable of committing it. Judas was a disciple of Jesus. How much closer to the straight and narrow can one walk? Second, none of us are immune from it. Jesus himself was betrayed. Of all people throughout all of history that never, ever deserved to be betrayed, I'm pretty sure He's it.

Two wrongs do not make a right, Benedict Arnold. However he chose to "right" the wrong that was done to him by behaving even more deviously and scheming than the original Benedict Arnolds were in their actions towards him. More on this in a second.

Tiger. He speaks for himself. If anyone out there in the blogosphere under the influence of my bandwidth can't understand what should be learned from his choices, then let me know so I can pray for your cognitive abilities.

Ultimately, it comes down to choice. There is a breaking point in which the traitor makes a choice to betray someone very dear to him or her. Perhaps it's deliberate. Perhaps it's accidental. Regardless a choice is made, and as a result, things are never the same from that point forward. But the traitor isn't the only one with the ability to choose.

The person on the receiving end of betrayal is given a choice too. I feel like that essentially a person who is betrayed can choose to go down one of two roads. No, not the high road or the low road...that's too trite. Each road has bumps and blind spots. Each road is long. Neither road can be successfully navigated alone. Both roads provide opportunity.

One road is bitterness. The road of bitterness provides one with the opportunity to "get even" [if there really is such a thing]. Hardened hearts are also formed along this road. I suspect that there are potholes that would do a number on the tires. [We've all seen the commercial.] There are probably billboards with Benedict Arnold's smiling face all along the way.

One road is grace. The road of grace provides one with the opportunity for restoration as well as anything else we need even if we didn't know that we needed it when we started the trip. Ironically, the only thing that enables us to make it down this road is grace itself. Well maybe that's not so much ironic as it is fact. I am far too human to go this one alone and make it. Hearts are repaired along the way. Forgiveness is a learned act. In choosing grace, we learn how to pass grace along.

As far as the choice itself is concerned, it has to be made over and over again. Perhaps even on a daily basis if along the way we hit a spot that is about as exciting and fulfilling as a drive through Kansas. The choice that is the easiest and most natural ultimately results in a longer road. I hope so anyway because I have decided to make the hardest choice first in hopes that it will end easier. It's really the same concept as doing your least favorite chores at the beginning of spring cleaning or eating the lima beans that your mom puts on your dinner plate first so that the macaroni and cheese is more enjoyable.

I choose grace.