I've always been a bit of a late bloomer. The first sign came in the 5th grade. I got my very first training bra not because I needed it but because of the social stigma that would have developed as a result of me not having one. What would have happened had I been standing in line on the way back to class from lunch and one of the boys reached between my shoulder blades fully anticipating a bra strap to snap and came up empty-handed? I might as well have been Carrie at the prom standing underneath a bucket of pig's blood. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 17. I was 30 before I told a boy that I loved him. My phone? It's a flip phone that can only be used for phone calls and text messages. Spare yourselves the extra charges and don't bother to try to send me a picture...I'll never get it. To celebrate the beginning of a new decade, I finally got DVR back in January. I believe that in his book, The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell refers to people like me as laggards. In true laggard fashion, I finally just two weeks ago started reading Twilight.
Pause. If you've never read Twilight, I need you to immediately stop reading this post for two reasons. The first one being because you need to instead spend the time emailing me your address so I can overnight the books to you so you will no longer walk in darkness. The second one being that if you are a skeptic to this whole Twilight craze like I was up until two weeks ago, I don't want this post to change your opinion of me as a person. I do have a reputation to maintain.
So, what happened? Why did I finally cave? It was because I needed something absolutely mindless to read. Little did I know at the time that I would become one of those people. A Twi-Hard, if you will.
I blame the vampires.
How else would I have been able to read 4 books that are each well over 500 pages long in a period of two weeks? I should mention that I also worked, slept, met friends, went to church, exercised, entertained my dog, and lived in general during this time too. It's as if one is able to read them with vampire like speed and deftness. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that the average age of the intended audience is 15.
It's true. I'm a girl who loves a good love story just as much as anyone. I'm also a realist. So when I first heard the premise of these books and that the characters involved were vampires and werewolves, I was immediately disinterested. Blame it on the Thriller video scaring the bejeezus out of me when I was kid, but I don't really flock to the immortal or supernatural. That was before I knew that Edward was such a virtuous vampire or that Jacob wasn't actually a werewolf, but a shape-shifter. While it is a love story, let me once again bring up the fact that the intended audience is teens which means that it does not fall into the "trashy romance novel" category. Let's just consider Fabio for a moment. He was a model for the cover of romance novels and then later transitioned into being a spokesman for margarine. I can't imagine that anything featuring his biceps on the cover really has that much plot involved.
Out of the four books, I don't have a favorite. It's probably because I just read them all in complete succession. Perhaps it's for the best that I waited until they were all written because guess who couldn't even wait 4 measly days for Breaking Dawn to be released in paperback? That's right. Me...HP.
It's a sickness. I'm pretty sure that there is going to be a whole classification in the DSM VI devoted to people like me. People that I used to roll my eyes at and now I've crossed over to the dark side and joined their coven, or pack, depending upon which side they affiliate themselves with. I think this classification will fall under the category of "Freaks of nature who need to take up a sport or other hobby" in the manual.
I apologize. I'm sorry to all of my friends and acquaintances that I've rolled my eyes at anytime there is discussion of Twilight. You were right. I was wrong. Laugh all you wish. I'm used to eating my words by now. Unfortunately words aren't as tasty as people or wild animals. Just a little vampire/werewolf humor there folks. No need for alarm.
Which team am I on? As if there was ever a reason to consider otherwise...
Team Edward.
Pause. If you've never read Twilight, I need you to immediately stop reading this post for two reasons. The first one being because you need to instead spend the time emailing me your address so I can overnight the books to you so you will no longer walk in darkness. The second one being that if you are a skeptic to this whole Twilight craze like I was up until two weeks ago, I don't want this post to change your opinion of me as a person. I do have a reputation to maintain.
So, what happened? Why did I finally cave? It was because I needed something absolutely mindless to read. Little did I know at the time that I would become one of those people. A Twi-Hard, if you will.
I blame the vampires.
How else would I have been able to read 4 books that are each well over 500 pages long in a period of two weeks? I should mention that I also worked, slept, met friends, went to church, exercised, entertained my dog, and lived in general during this time too. It's as if one is able to read them with vampire like speed and deftness. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that the average age of the intended audience is 15.
It's true. I'm a girl who loves a good love story just as much as anyone. I'm also a realist. So when I first heard the premise of these books and that the characters involved were vampires and werewolves, I was immediately disinterested. Blame it on the Thriller video scaring the bejeezus out of me when I was kid, but I don't really flock to the immortal or supernatural. That was before I knew that Edward was such a virtuous vampire or that Jacob wasn't actually a werewolf, but a shape-shifter. While it is a love story, let me once again bring up the fact that the intended audience is teens which means that it does not fall into the "trashy romance novel" category. Let's just consider Fabio for a moment. He was a model for the cover of romance novels and then later transitioned into being a spokesman for margarine. I can't imagine that anything featuring his biceps on the cover really has that much plot involved.
Out of the four books, I don't have a favorite. It's probably because I just read them all in complete succession. Perhaps it's for the best that I waited until they were all written because guess who couldn't even wait 4 measly days for Breaking Dawn to be released in paperback? That's right. Me...HP.
It's a sickness. I'm pretty sure that there is going to be a whole classification in the DSM VI devoted to people like me. People that I used to roll my eyes at and now I've crossed over to the dark side and joined their coven, or pack, depending upon which side they affiliate themselves with. I think this classification will fall under the category of "Freaks of nature who need to take up a sport or other hobby" in the manual.
I apologize. I'm sorry to all of my friends and acquaintances that I've rolled my eyes at anytime there is discussion of Twilight. You were right. I was wrong. Laugh all you wish. I'm used to eating my words by now. Unfortunately words aren't as tasty as people or wild animals. Just a little vampire/werewolf humor there folks. No need for alarm.
Which team am I on? As if there was ever a reason to consider otherwise...
Team Edward.
3 comments:
You make me laugh. I love you!
Welcome to the dark side!
And spend the rest of eternity drinking blood? No thanks.
Team Jacob all the way!!!!!
Team. Edward. Forever.
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