Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Circle. Circle. Dot. Dot. I really need a cootie shot.

This is the first week of classes. In my job, the beginning of a new school year brings along with it students and let's be honest, students have multiple issues that must be attended to. Immediately (according to them). Kids today. So this time of year I spend much of my day going back and forth between my workspace saying "no, I will not remove that registration hold" and the front desk helping out with the important matters of issuing financial aid checks and parking permits. Earlier this afternoon I needed a pick-me-up so I got a Coke Zero from the vending machine. (Sign of the Apocalypse: I'm drinking caffeine) I had taken it to the front desk and then I carried it back to my desk on one of my multiple trips. Well a few minutes later I'm back up at the front desk and I see my Coke Zero bottle sitting right in the middle of the counter so I just say to no one in particular even though there were no less than 2249 students standing there, "geez, I've got to get this out of the way" as I pick it up and proceed to drink it. Then I go back to my desk with bottle in hand. So I'm back at my desk taking care of important matters like work email, checking in on Cash via Cash Cam and social networking when I'm thirsty yet again and reach for my drink to quench that thirst. And this is what I see:

My Coke Zero and another Coke Zero. Houston, we have a problem. Here is my first question: Why in the world did some college student allow me to pick up his or her drink while he or she had obviously just sat it down on the counter to sign for a check and watch me take a swig like I had just run for the Gold in women's 100 meter final over in Beijing?

Next question: What in heaven's name have I possibly contracted??? College students are... germy. I don't drink after anyone. Ever. And who all has that person drank after??? Dear Gussie - suddenly my mouth had become a science experiment.

Of course upon this discovery of the mystery drink my throat immediately started burning and I self-diagnosed myself with SARS just because that was the first highly communicable disease that came to mind. I'm sure that person whose drink I yanked was registering their car, the Delorian, and had just returned from China in the year 2003. Whatever. Psychosomatic symptoms at their best here ladies and gentlemen.

But like most things in life, there is a lesson to be learned from this experience: Don't drink while on the job.

6 comments:

allison said...

aside from the low blow that everyone who had been in china in 03 has SARS....HILARIOUS. not your misfortune for drinking after some stranger, but the blog itself. thanks for the laugh.

Aaron and Michele said...

heather - once again - you are the funniest person that I know..i read this three times - just soa another laugh!! LOVE IT!!

Georgia Peach said...

This reminds me of an internet forward I received that goes something like this...

Americans: The government gives you two cows. You make them do the work of four cows and they fall over dead from exhaustion a year later.

Only in your situation it would read...

Grad Student: The school gives you two monitors. You make them do the work of four monitors and then wonder why you ended up with somebody else's SARS.

Jenny said...

Oh my! I just laughed my head off at work. I'm sure everyone else was wondering what I was doing. I performed a similar feat while at the dorms at NGCSU. After getting ready for bed one night, I returned to the bathroom a few minutes later, only to find my towel where I had left it by the sink. Only, what I found out when I got to my room was that I stole the towel of the girl at the sink and took it to my room, proclaiming that I had left it. I confessed my stupidity as I was forced to return the confiscated item back to its rightful owner.

Josh and Donna said...

ew! double ew! you should totally take a week off of work and go to the tropics to recover.

Suzanna said...

GROSS...now your voice mail about SARS makes sense (I've been behind on blogging).