Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Consistently Inconsistent

Last week I read a devotion titled the same as this blog posting and I thought to myself "well, if there is ever a phrase to describe me, here it is." If Steve & Barry's sold graphic tee's with these two words on it, I would own one in every color. Ok, don't get me wrong because there are some things about me that have always been the same and will never change. For instance, whenever I'm tired or a little anxious about something, I twirl my hair with my right hand until all of the little curls on the right side morph into one big giant curl. It looks oh so lovely too. This started when mom rocked me to sleep as a baby and I would reach up and twirl her hair so if I've been doing it for nearly 30 years, odds are I'll continue. I'm also very consistent with many of my daily habits too: milk chocolate carnation instant breakfast each morning on the way to work, a banana at 10:00 for a mid-morning snack, workout in the early evening and then write down in a journal my time and distance for cardio. If ever there is a Sunday afternoon when I don't take a nap then something has gone awry with the Earth's rotation and we should pull the Y2K survival kits down from the attic. Hmmm...so while I'm consistently inconsistent, I'm also beyond boring. I should work on that.

Naturally it's the big things in which I am most inconsistent. Well, not even things...more like one thing. Probably the biggest of all things: My relationship with God. Seriously, it really shouldn't be that hard, and of course I'm the one responsible for making it seem that way. It's not like this is some new revelation in my life either. I've known it for longer than I am comfortable confessing. I can say that regardless of the circumstances in my life, God has always been faithful to me. Even during the times when I couldn't for the life of me see how He was working, sure enough He was. Unfortunately I cannot say that I have always been faithful to Him in return. I'm great at asking for things...terrible at giving thanks for those things once they are given. Hence the inconsistency. The other night as I was getting ready for bed I looked over at my nightstand and saw my Bible and thought "I'm so tired right now that it really wouldn't do me any good to read anything tonight." And then I had the most interesting thought: How in the world would I react if that's how God responded to me some days? He's a heckuva lot busier than I am. Time for me to check myself before I wreck myself.

So on Sunday at church this little lesson I'm learning went a bit deeper. Once again, the church bulletin should have had written "this one's for you, Heather" across the top. The passage of scripture that the whole message was based around is Jeremiah 29:11-14. Now anyone who grew up in church or drove past a church with one of those old school signs on a regular basis can probably quote Jeremiah 29:11. It's a pretty warm-fuzzy verse, but then when you really start to think about it and read the verses that follow, it is obviously not a one-way street where God is just going to set all of these plans that He has for us into motion while we just sit around like knots on a log. I especially like verse 13: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." All of my heart? Yep. The whole thing. To me that means not waiting until I'm about to fall asleep standing up to have my quiet time (which fortunately has gotten a bit better now that I'm an early riser, but it's still a work in progress). It also means not getting distracted or discouraged. It's easy to seek Him with all of my heart for a couple of days. But then if I don't start seeing some progress, some of that fervor dissipates. (wow...2 big words back to back...I wonder if I used them correctly) Hence the inconsistency. Rome wasn't built in a day, Heather.

I know that God has plans for me. I love that He does even if it scares the wits out of me to know that His plans may not align with mine. It is my choice that God's will is done in my life so these plans can unfold. Yet, sometimes it's the very choices that I make on a daily basis that causes a disruption in the plans being carried out. Hence the inconsistency.


Angel said...

i loved reading this post, heather. this is something i've been struggling with, too. this post was encouraging for me. thank you for sharing your thoughts/convictions.

Joni said...

Great post Heather. So glad you are going to a convicting & encouraging church - that makes all the difference in trying to do this daily thing with God.

And about single serve spam - how did you not immediately throw up? ahhhhh. that is really digusting!