Monday, August 25, 2008

Heart

Perhaps I should start by saying that this posting is not a tribute to Ann and Nancy Wilson. "Magic Man" is on my iPod and they are some rockin' ladies, but who am I to compete with VH1's "I Love the 70's"?

Heart. It is essential to life. And I'm not simply referring to the organ that beats as it pumps blood throughout the rest of the body. I'm also talking about determination and drive as well as experiencing emotion...heart. It's really quite a powerful thing if you think about it. Or maybe I'm the only one who thinks about these kinds of things. Maybe I'm just weird. Maybe I'll wonder about that another day and get back to my point...

I'm going to address the whole experiencing emotion component of heart because well I'm a girl and that's what we gals love to do, right? ...Sit around and talk about our feelings. Or I just like to think of it as sharing my heart. How is it that a heart filled with love and happiness and hope can also be broken with pain and hurt and despair? Sometimes simultaneously. What's a person to do when the storm clouds roll in and our parade is not just rained on, it's rained out? I've actually tried two different tactics.

During the first storm (involving a boy of all things) I completely ceased communication with God. What was the point of maintaining this relationship with Him, if I had prayed about something so fervently and remained in His will only to have that door slammed shut when things were rolling along great? As a result of allowing dust to collect on the cover of my Bible and gaining an extra couple hours of sleep on Sunday mornings, this little heart of mine began to harden and shrivel up like a raisin. And raisins are only cool if they are California Raisins. In the grand scheme of things it didn't take me very long to realize what was happening. Well, really when I was able to watch The Notebook without shedding a tear, I knew that something had to give. I wanted to experience emotion again in its rawest form not just for myself but for others as well. I believe that's what we are supposed to do: celebrate with the happy and mourn with the weary. So the prodigal daughter returned to her Father who just wrapped me up in love. Talk about filling the heart with emotion. Whew.

When the second storm came (almost losing my dad), I tried a different tactic. I clung to God and His promises. DISCLAIMER: I'm not sharing this to make me sound like I'm some great Christian who learned from her mistake the first time and was all prepared the next time. Not at all. There were days when dad was sick that I didn't have the energy to pray or even know what to pray, but during those first moments when I was all alone by myself in my apartment on a rainy Sunday night without the composure to drive safely, I had no choice but to cling to Him. Mom, my usual source of comfort, was performing CPR so needless to say she was a little tied up. When I finally stopped turning in circles in the middle of my floor, I knew I was going to be fine. I had no idea if my daddy was going to live and I had never in my life experienced such a scary uncertainty, but I was certain that God was with me and had no plans of leaving. And that simple fact alone is what got me through those next 5 weeks. That time my heart almost exploded with emotion.

Storms are inevitable. Jesus tells us that in John 16:33 when He said "...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Heart...quite powerful indeed. And the healthier the heart (physically, spiritually, and emotionally), the healthier the body and more importantly...the soul.

3 comments:

Jenny said...

I think we're living simultaneous lives but just with different circumstances. When I read that you stopped communication with God, I laughed b/c I've so made that same conscious decision and came to the exact conclusion. I've blogged about it previously. I'm not proud, but you learn, right? I love it when you share your heart b/c your heart is beautiful, and I love to learn from you.

Tiffany said...

Heather, it was so good to read that b/c at this moment I'm trying both of your tactics....one one day, the other the next,and so on. It's such a roller coaster experience. Thanks for sharing what you've learned/are learning!

Georgia Peach said...

I have to agree with the other two comments here..I have tried both methods. I have had those low down times when I felt like my relationship with the Lord was the sweetest thing in my life. I longed for daily quiet time with him because it was the one thing that would bring real encouragement. But I have had other times when I totally shut Him out and tried to manage it on my own. Those times are very lonely times. I can definitely relate to this post. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Hugs,
Peach