I really don't know where to even begin this post, but I do know that I am amazed yet again at God's perfect timing. The truth is, I am weary. It's hard for me to admit this. Need evidence? I couldn't even raise my hand in church today when it was requested that the weary raise their hands so others could pray for them. Instead I chose to let the tears roll down my cheeks and hoped that no one would notice. (I'll address my pride another day) I don't know why I have such a hard time admitting it. Perhaps, it's because I fear that it makes me appear weak. Or unfaithful. Or that my life isn't perfect. Perhaps it's because I can look around me and see others in dire circumstances and I realize that in the grand scheme of things, I'm ok. Which is true, but nonetheless, I've been weary for a couple of months now.
In short, the message was about how as Christians we go through times of weariness because we are faithful and obedient but there is no "payback" from God. [Can I get an amen from the amen corner, please?] There are times when we cannot see that he is doing anything in our lives. In essence, He has "gone dark". Through various seasons of my life, I have often wondered what the point of doing everything "right" is if I'm not going to see any change in my circumstances. A couple of years ago, after my heart was thrown under a Bradley and ran over a couple of times, I decided to take matters into my own hands and not let such matters like faith and religion really take priority in who I dated. But then after a couple months of dating someone who knows Jesus about as well as I know how to find a derivative (if you even find them...I wouldn't know because I failed Calculus), I realized that the path of major fundamental differences wasn't the one for me.
Honestly, the older I get, the more challenging it is to remain faithful that I will have my own family one day. It makes me sad sometimes that I do not get to do all the fun things that my closest friends who are married and have children around the same age get to do together. And I think that it is ok to be a little sad over those kinds of things as long as I do not allow myself to constantly wallow in the pit of despair. (please note The Princess Bride reference) There really is no point in doing so because it's not going to change anything. Why make myself and those around me miserable? I give full credit to my mother who doesn't really put up with whining for instilling this kind of attitude in me.
The truth is, we all grow weary at times. While the reasons of our weariness are different, as Christians, the source of our strength is the same. And while our strength only comes from God, I believe that it is good to lift others who are weary up in prayer. So I'm asking for your prayers. I don't really ask for prayers very much (see 2nd paragraph for reasons why I don't), but I would appreciate them now.
If you are currently experiencing a season of weariness yourself, I would encourage you to read Isaiah 40 along with me for the next week. Or if you love all things music like I do, take a listen to this song...
God is faithful, even when I am not. I can attest to this over and over again in the things that he has done in my life all along. So why do I worry that he is not going to be faithful in this particular area of my life when he knows that it is my heart's desire? Because I'm a silly little human who does not have the foresight that He does. Because I think that things have to happen according to my agenda. Because I'm a sinner. But I'm a sinner filled with grace who has a hope in the harvest that is to come.
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." - Galatians 6:9 (NKJV)
PS...Even though it's not all that fun for me to openly share this part of my life with others, I have often said that all of the events that make up my story will be worth it if I can be a source of encouragement to others who may feel the same way or have similar experiences. You're not alone. I promise.
PS...Even though it's not all that fun for me to openly share this part of my life with others, I have often said that all of the events that make up my story will be worth it if I can be a source of encouragement to others who may feel the same way or have similar experiences. You're not alone. I promise.
4 comments:
You are so right in this post that God is going to be faithful in not just this, but every area of your life. And you are so normal having a hard time feeling sure about that. I love you, friend, and I am going to keep praying the very specific prayer we talked about the other day.
Remember, your life is the one someone else is looking at and longing for...make sure you are smelling the roses where you are now!
It's always so rewarding reading your blog...thank you again! I'll be praying for you, and I understand your weariness, esp. this time of year.
Tiffany
Thank you for this post, Heather. It reminded me of a story that our preacher told a few months back. I can't tell it like him, but I'll try...
There was a little boy whose grandfather asked to go outside to the woodpile to gather wood for the fire. It was very dark outside, and the little boy came back inside and told his grandfather, "I can't see the woodpile." So, his grandfather gave the little boy a lantern and sent him back out. The little boy was back shortly - but had no wood. He told his grandfather again, "Even though I have this lantern, I still can't see the woodpile." His grandfather asked him, "Does the lantern help you see the step just in front of you?" "Yes," the little boy said. His grandfather told him, "Well, that's all you need. Take one step at a time, the one that you can see right in front of you, and you will soon make it to the woodpile." And he did. God's a lot like that. Even though we can't see the woodpile - our goals, the desires of our heart - and wonder how we'll ever get there, God knows how - and He gives us enough light and guidance and direction to take that one little step at a time. That's all He asks of us - and He'll take those little steps, if we follow Him, and get us to where we need to be.
Sorry for the novella, but I wanted to share - and let you know that I understand how you feel. Weariness is a good way to describe it. I'll be praying for you... love you, friend!
I called you the other day...to tell you that I am weary. Then I thought "why in the world would Heather want to hear my whining?" Then I was embarrassed that I called, especially since it's been so long. Silly, huh?
I have lots of "Mom friends", but I want and need my "non-mommy" friends close, too. I love, love, love what Suz posted: "your life is the one someone else is looking at and longing for"...goes both ways.
I love Isaiah 40...thank you for sharing this post. It was very encouraging. And Heather, God is working even when you feel He's not. He's doing great things for you right now. I love you, friend.
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